I do Ghana © 2017

FINDING RED FLAGS WHEN DATING!!!


I watched the movie “Red Riding Hood” starring Amanda Seigfried recently and realized one thing,
{If you haven’t watched it I’m sorry but here comes the spoiler alert!!!}
When red hiding hood found out her father was the wolf terrorizing their town, she was unsympathetic to him.
He had sat her down to explain to her how his father passed it to him and now he wanted to do the same for her…
She eventually stabbed him with an iron fist and he died.

Here comes love…
Before her father died, he had bitten her boyfriend which will lead to one thing: He would become a wolf also.
Yet, she chose to continue to love her boyfriend even though now he was going to be like her late father!
She was willing to stay in the forest and wait while her boyfriend trained his wolf self to not hurt her, she trusted him.
Could she not have extended the same grace to her Father?

I realized one thing, just as the bible says, Love covers a multitude of sins.
She was willing to love her “wolf” boyfriend for the same reason she killed her father.
She could have easily forgiven her father too but from my perspective, the love wasn’t there yet.
He had killed her half sister in revenge and she just couldn’t bring herself to forgive him,
But her boyfriend she loved and was willing to love all the flaws he came with.

Before the “for better or worse”, the dating period is a time to get to know each other.
When Joseph found out Mary was gonna have a baby that wasn’t his, It was a major red flag!
He purposed to back out of their engagement but It was God who vindicated Mary and revealed to Joseph what the real deal was.
It is totally ok to find out some things about your spouse to be and feel like that’s a deal breaker for you.
Yet how do you know what role you are to play in that person’s future?

The thing about Red flags that makes it vary from person to person is the willingness to love a person and their flaws.
There are substantial and valid reasons why some people choose to walk out of a relationship but let it not be for shallow reasons…
When I was dating, I was very young and immature even more so blinded by the attraction I had for my man (who is now my husband)
Nothing would make me walk out (although come to think of it there were some I wouldn’t have accepted had I been this mature then or maybe not, only God knows)
But relationships are messy…
It is getting to know a person in all of their glory and not so “gloryness” but choosing to cover them with love.
It requires patience and sacrifice, constant forgiveness and communication that will help each other blossom to become their best.

One important red flag  is the difference in faith.
Faith is the core of a person’s belief system and so to try to do life with another person in an unequally yoked situation will be very challenging.
I wasn’t truly born again when I was dating but when I finally gave my life to Christ, we parted ways.
I found out I was pregnant shortly after that. (Oops!)
Although we had broken up then, I had to involve my husband now in the pregnancy process.
It was a rocky one, He knew God but hadn’t really given his life fully to Christ and I just wanted to be sold out for God.
We got married like 2 years later and I had to submit my will to God and allow him to change me first which later drew my husband closer to God.

It really comes down to love, allow yourself to truly know the love of God through Christ  first and the holy Spirit will direct you with peace in all things.
Only because some red flags might not be a deal breaker for God but an opportunity to extend his grace to the person through you.
So when red flags pop up  while dating, don’t panic!
Take it to the father in prayer and the love of Christ will give you wisdom on how to extend grace into the situation.
If you do not know the love of Christ I invite you to the best experience ever!!!
You will never know true love or even know how to love others until you receive his unconditional love, invite Him into your heart today.
Happy Saturday Idoers!!!
{What are your thoughts, leave comments below}

Helene OPM is the editor in Chief of I do Ghana, a wife and mother of four who is seriously sold out for Christ. She is also the creative designer at HeleneOpm Events based in New Jersey.

{To submit articles, email hmensah@idoghana.com}


Comments (6)

  1. rachel panagiotopoulos

    Gosh. Usually when we read about red flags , we’re wired to run from it fast!!! But I think you’re the first who’s keeping it real and Godly. Indeed, relationships are messy, and if you can’t handle the red flags while dating,do you think the marriage gets any easier or smoother? Infact, sometimes you can keep avoiding all the red flags before marrying someone and then discover a new set of red flags in the marriage. You can’t just quit because of that can you? So I appreciate the angle from which you broke it down. Loving someone means loving yourself and loving yourself means loving the Lord and letting Him overwhelm you with His unconditional love for which you will use to love others.
    Racpanos Panagiotopoulos

    Reply
  2. Naa

    Helena….I believe in God and who he is. But I think I loose that sync between us where I can receive his unconditional love. My heart is in a struggle when I think about this. I just don’t Know how I can open my heart up to receive his unconditional love. I pray God uses you as a point of contact to change my struggle.

    Reply

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